Trying to do this better

It’s been several years now and I still cry too much for her.

The first year that she was gone my younger sister and I went for a hike together in Nederland. The hike was beautiful; I can still see the mountains in my head. We cried a lot.

In 2001 my father and I went down to her grave to see her. She is buried in an old church in the Northern Neck of Virginia. It’s hot in July. My dad and I spent half the day just trying to get there. The old car my father drives was not behaving very well that day. We ended up in Lottsberg at Henrys garage and junkyard; we need to pull bolts off a similar car to keep the brakes connected to the Dodge Dart Swinger. I remember the heat, sweating and bugs. When we got down finally to see Mom the day seemed just to get more pleasant. I stayed with her for some time just talking to her.

I miss her.

I love her.

There was one story she liked to tell me sometime about my childhood. I think I was only six years old? This was usually told to me on my birthday.

I was sitting next to her in her bed while she was reading; I remember doing this often with her, and I looked up at her and asked her “will I be as beautiful as you one day?” This make my mom’s heart melt. She said that I was so sincere – every time she told me this story she would weep a little with joy.

This time of year is hard but the happier memories are still here.
I just wish she could be too.